Sunday, July 22, 2012

Age-Play: Why, When, How?

I've been getting alot of questions lately about age-play: especially since many of my books incorporate this element in one way or another.  I'll try to answer them, ok?  Please feel free to input any question or comments--
AGE-PLAY is NOT in anyway, shape or form a type of pedophilia- nor does it imply that one, or both, partners have any interest in minors
What age-play is:
Age-play (AP)is a form of D&S in which one partner adopts the characteristics of an infant to a school-aged child (0-17) while the other assumes the role of authority (parent, guardian, teacher, extended family member, etc).  AP is simply a type of role-play that presents itself naturally in the dynamics of a Dom/Sub relationship, and allows the sub to be taken to a time and place of complete vulnerability. It is, in my opinion, the most nurturing and trusting scenarios that can occur.  If the scene is conducted properly, it allows for extensive healing, confidence building and renewal of trust since the sub/adult child becomes completely dependent on his/her partner to meet all his/her needs.
What age-play is not:
It is not a license to abuse or neglect. Nor is AP about living out a BDSM fantasy of total control. 

AP is probably the most unselfish lifestyle that a DS couple/family can practice.  To be therapeutic, it requires 100% of what the Dom gives and, likewise, what the sub relinquishes- to be freely and conscientiously offered

AP demands careful thought and decision making from the Dom to guide and provide for the adult child as though they were once again, a child. The adult 'child' trusts his/her Dom with the most vulnerable and delicate part of their heart, mind, spirit and body. The responsibility that falls to the 'Adult' is extensive and he/she must be committed to provide for the needs as required by the agreed upon age-group.This means setting proper examples, enforcing reasonable rules, providing appropriate boundaries, and carefully observing for any changes or hints that might trigger a negative response.  Yeah- adult child-rearing is alot of work for the Dom.... but the rewards, for both side, are immeasurable.

I could go into all types of scenes, examples, etc.- but right now I just wanted to share what you will see in my books about AP and why.  To me, AP is such an intimate part of my relationship with John and allows me to release myself completely to his care.  It is very difficult, to be honest, and there are Pros and Cons.  I have to release all my independence, thoughts, ideas, responsibilities and adult privileges to him and allow him complete control in directing me towards what he believes is best for me.  
I don't always like it. The loss of freedom, decision making and adult 'rights' is not something I enjoy.  And I don't always submit to it graciously although I know that doing so will relieve me from worrying about anything except what Daddy John has me do.  

The benefits:
I think it's easier to 'show,' not just 'tell'.....  After a hard night at work (I'm a hospice nurse), I come home stressed and very tired.  I walk in and Daddy has the bubble bath ready for me with toys and pretty scented soap.  Almost immediately, I can let go of being a grown-up and, with that, the tension and anxiety that follows me in from my adult life.  He undresses me, helps me into the tub, washes my hair and plays with me (I'm not allowed to splash him though).  

This natural and unpretentious act of him caring for me in the simplest of ways allows me to shed my 'male' and enter into my 'female'.  He's very aware regarding my tension level and conducts himself accordingly.  If I'm upset, I'm cuddled, he feeds me and brushes out my hair, then sings me to sleep as he holds me. If I'm cranky and not responding well, then I'm fed and put to bed for a long talk later.  If I'm defiant or refuse to let him take care of me, well.... that usually does not go well and I have a sore bottom with corner time, and then fed and put to bed.  Every day is different- yet it is always consistent.

The AP element exists in all healthy DD/DS relationships to a certain degree- whether you call your Dom 'daddy', 'sir', 'master', or King of the Universe (John's personal favorite).  It involves letting go of control and inhibitions to the base-nature of our humanity. There is nothing more precious to a loving parent than their child- and nothing more wonderful and strong to a child than a loving parent. AP allows us to live in that precious, unassuming place- even for a little while.


  1. There is nothing more I could ask for except how in the world could I possibly get my relatively "normal" hubby to understand this.

    That is what I loved about Game Plan and Time Out- I love the way you spell out the characters needs and growth through this type of relationship. You make it understandable and even desirable to someone who didn't even know it was something they desired.

    Well, ok maybe I've always wanted it, and just thought maybe I was a freak, but now I am understanding it more and more.

    Well, anyway thank you for this post explaining it better. Maybe someday I will move past DD and spanking fiction to have my Dev read this- ok well I can dream anyway...

    P.S. I'm dying to read your next book but haven't been able to sneak it by the hubby yet-

  2. You are SOOOOO Funny! Lost and Found is one of my favorites so far- I hope you like it. The publishers have two more waiting to be edited too! They keep me busy- but NOT out of trouble! Ok- here is a little hint (I love being sneaky). IF there is anything Dev does to baby you (i.e. when you have a headache), just do some light whining and tell him you have an ow and need your daddy. MOST men (I won't make any comments about those having the IQ of LINT) will respond simply because it's something 'broken' that needs to be 'fixed'. Let me know how it goes!!! Luvs and Kisses- Bree