Saturday, August 11, 2012


Hey folks! Nikki and I have been talking a lot lately about the delicate nature of trust- especially for a submissive.  This theme is a constant in my books and, for those of you who have read The Game Plan, you'll remember that this was Cassie's greatest struggle. Her lack of trust (caused by betrayal) paralyzed her from accepting love because she felt unworthy to receive it.  Rob had the wisdom to understand that it took time and consistency to gain, and keep, that sacred treasure of the heart, mind, spirit, body, and soul. Obtaining her trust, and subsequently her heart, became his personal goal because of his love for her. He also learned that certain words and actions, no matter how minute, could have an impact on obtaining, or losing, that trust.
Nothing is more important to a submissive than trust.  If you can't trust your Dom/Domme, there is no D/S relationship.  It is the most precious gift you can give your partner and, in it's offering, also leaves you at your most vulnerable state of being.  Your partners, in turn, must truly search their hearts and ask- are they worthy of that trust?  If not, how can they become so?
So what type of trust do you have to offer?

Body: We must be able to trust that our physical needs be met and that our bodies be protected from harm during 'play' or discipline.  In order to be able to give ourselves freely, we must know that we will never be subjected to bodily harm or any rejection. The slightest derogatory or negative comment- even in jest- can easily send an insecure sub into a knot of shame.  Since D/S is so focused on the body, this trust in essential to guard and nurture.

Emotional: The dearest, and most precious type of trusts we give.  This is the heart of who we are- the base from which we, as human beings, are separated from other animals.  When we trust our partners with our hearts, they must understand that, unlike a cut or broken bone, emotional trust takes years to build and only moments to destroy. Words are the greatest asset, and also the ultimate destruction, of emotional trust.  Use the power of words for good, Grasshopper!

Financial: Is your partner responsible with finances? Are your needs met, including bills being paid, food on the table, medical expenses?  Believe it or not, most couples break up due to financial issues more than any other. Is your partner an equal one in your relationship and do you share chores and responsibilities?. If one works, does the other pick up the slack around the house?  Being a submissive does not mean to be a doormat.

Mind: Can you trust your partner with your most hidden secrets and desires, knowing they will never laugh at you, or poke fun.  Even a casual, but negative, reference to something you've mention will cause most people to clam up and stop sharing.  Guarding the tongue and picking the right words can spare you years of heart ache!

Spiritual:  Everyone has a different belief system.  A healthy D/S relationship will respect the partners belief system without ridicule.

These are but a few.  What trust issues do you struggle with and how do you think it can be overcome?  Would you like to see any being addressed in a future book? Please share!


  1. Very good thoughts on these matters, again I wish I could take this to Dev. Maybe someday...

    When I brought Domestic Discipline to him he tore my world apart- he thought I was online looking at porn. And some of his off handed comments made me feel like the worst kind of freak. He alone is my rock! My bestfriend, if I didn't love and trust him with all my heart I never would have been able to share the secret longings I've had for so long. But he did make me feel dirty. It took a while becasue I know he didn't mean to tear me down, and because I know he misunderstood. But I lived in a dark hole of fear and yuckiness for a spell.

    Yikes- sorry about all that rambliness. What I mean is you are spot on Breanna about the Trust. You must trust them with all your heart because they hold a lot of power over you. So much more than we would think, and yes just a careless word can tear us apart

  2. My Dear Pooky- How I just want to hug you! There is nothing more horrible than being torn down because we express our most hidden wants and desires. You are not alone- we don't realize the power they have until it hurts us. Even my John had fallen off the pedestal I've had him on and the disappointment I've experienced has hurt as much as the trust lost. It's so difficult to bring up the subject too- wondering if you are on the same page.
    Do you play with Dev? Tease him with 'dare you' and 'so ya think you can catch this little bottom and show me what you can do with it?' I find that is usually the easiest- and least vulnerable, way to entice. Eventually- if he falls for the bait- the subject can be approached and further explored.
    Again- my offer stands if you ever want to email me and talk- I'm here for you!
    Luvs and Hugs- Bree

  3. Pooky, in reference to my sis offering her help via email, just a little warning. She gives great advice but she is wicked bossy. Just thought I would let you know. lol

    1. You notice that the little brat posts when I'm sleeping before my shift! LOL! No fear- I'm only wicked bossy to Nikki because she's so impossibly stubborn and mule-headed, and always has to have the last word- with an excuse- for everything. No wonder she's always in trouble, huh? Gotta love her! Bree

  4. Great post! We are taking such baby steps with this and you're right-- it's about building trust... it's amazing how much more trust it takes than just being married. :)