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Sunday, November 4, 2012

My Guardian Dom

Hey Ya'll!  
I wanted to thank everyone for the awesome reviews and feedback I've been getting on Guardian Domination.  I was asked to share a bit about that book and how it came about... especially after one reviewer commented that it was unrealistic, abusive and felt therapy was a better option to spanking.

Hate to break it to you guys, but Guardian is, for the most part, based on a true situation.  Mine.  The training.... many of the scenarios.... and how things came to pass.  Of course, we are not independently wealthy, nor do we live in Carmel... and I am no longer 18.... LOL! It's spanking fiction for a reason, right?

When John and I met, I was a mess.  Despite the belief system that therapy can fix anything, I can tell you, that is not the case.  I know.  I tried. I had been raised in an unhealthy environment, married into a severely abusive marriage (where there was physical and emotional abuse), and constantly struggled with my own sense of failure, insecurities and fears.  After a hospitalization and resultant divorce, I was on my own for the first time in my life. I was driving myself into the ground working full time and struggling to put myself through my Masters in Psych when a friend coerced me to go out with him to listen to this band play.  As a people pleaser (my boundaries sucked back then), I couldn't refuse and reluctantly went along. John's playing impressed me and I commented on it. Well.....  the spark was there, you know, the sense of comfort you have when you meet someone who is good for you.  Not that I trusted my spark because mine always ended up in flames! John took it upon himself to get my number and started emailing.  Every time I looked, he was contacting me to see how my day was going, check on the progress of my thesis, inquire about my sugar levels.... nothing 'creepy' or invasive, just friendly and light.  We started talking daily, staying on the phone for hours after he got off of a late gig and I was still up doing homework.  After about three months, he finally asked me out on a casual date/hang out.  I was gun-shy and quickly backed out. I had sworn off men, relationships and anything that even resembled commitment. Nothing serious, he promised, just as good friends which we had become.  With a little convincing, I agreed.

He was going to be playing a gig close by and we decided to meet for dinner and maybe a movie afterwards. Although we had talked countless hours about everything (vanilla) under the sun, it was so different actually looking into his bright blue eyes and saying the same things to his face.  He had a fascinating way to draw things out of me, things I would never have considered sharing with anyone, let alone this man. I was guarded and had only told him enough about my recent past for him to know I would not put up with any repeated offenses demonstrated by the Ex. He held my hand across the table and gently, but firmly, told me that if I let go of my need to control, I would be much happier, healthier, and confident.  I did not like that advice. Not one bit. My response? Well.... it started with going against his request to not swear.....

John looked at me straight in the eye and told me bluntly, "I thought we knew each other well enough by now. You could use a good, long spanking, young lady. That was completely unnecessary."

Of course, my retort did not include anything that even remotely resembled agreement.  It made me angry, in fact.  More so because I had that secret, hidden part of me that he knew nothing about. He stood up, paid the bill and silently held his hand out for me to take.  I resigned myself at that moment to believe I blew the chance of ever having a decent man in my life and, like everything else I touched, I poisoned this friendship too.

I was wrong, as I was on so many occasions when it came to John.  Not only did this decent guy want me, but he wanted me to be all I could be.  He saw something in me that no one else had, and he knew how to make the something come to life. That night, instead of a movie, he escorted me to his hotel room and laid down the rules of our relationship... first to my ears and then to my bottom.  The first rules was that I was never to say anything against myself again (Still working on that one.) I can't say it was consensual, but then, I can't honestly say it was not. Truly, the moments that followed that fateful encounter left me feeling confused, afraid, but also more feminine and secure than I had ever imagined.

That's how it began.  There were other people involved in certain phases of my training, people who we still love dearly to this day. We were not involved sexually until my training had been completed (almost two years later) and he knew that I was ready to commit in both his lifestyle and as his wife. There were times the discipline was harsh, but it was always deserved and I never felt either abuse or neglect from him, only fairness and absolute love and devotion.  John believes that a woman's bottom was put on this earth with the capacity of handling quite a bit of 'use', and that the fleshy parts of her anatomy were the only areas to be chastised. And he always follows discipline with much love and nurturing.

I can't speak for all D&S relationships, just for my own.  Being a submissive, specifically being John's submissive, has healed me all of my wounds and brought me to a place of peace and confidence that no amount of therapy, or medications, could ever do.  The lessons I learned through my own experience are ones I use as references when I'm counseling others in my private practice- normal, successful, highly-educated individuals who struggle with their alternative lifestyles and the people who ridicule or judge them.   Just looking at how my own sister has blossomed since her exposure to John's training and the boundaries and demand for self-respect he has placed on her, proves to me time and time again that proper discipline, love, and enforced boundaries can effectively change the course of destruction in a person's life. This lifestyle is not for everyone.  But to those who feel called to it, there is nothing more wonderful or more gratifying, and gives something that a therapist or drugs can never provide. Unconditional Love and Acceptance.

With All Our Love,
Breanna and John

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